You guys...
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a trauma survivor and dealing with severe PTSD is to lean into the pain...lean into the fear...lean into the discomfort...
Truth...
I ran for a long time from my war...
I was scared to go to sleep. Just as scared to stay awake. I was scared to leave my babies, I even obsessively checked on them multiple times at night watching their chests rise and fall...counting each breath, anticipating the next not to come. I was scared of goodbyes. Scared that each interaction I had with someone would be the last.
I avoided certain smells. I avoided going outside many days. I avoided people, in general, because I was scared that somehow they would “catch” my immense pain like a common cold. I avoided touch because I was afraid of being close to anyone or anything again. I avoid crying... you guys... I avoided any emotional release because I was afraid that once I started crying I would never be able to stop.
This behavior inadvertently put me in a consistent state of suffocation and dysfunction.
I woke up one morning and my oldest son came up to me (at the time he was 6) and said, “momma, please don’t be sad anymore.”
And thus, the work of healing began.
I won’t lie, it has not been easy. But now, I wake up every morning with so much gratitude for life and for the people I am blessed to be surrounded by.
You ARE strong enough.
This life IS worth living.
There IS payoff by leaning into the pain.
It DOES get easier.
Give yourself grace.
One day at a time.
One moment at a time.
One breath at a time.
💜
